Category Archives: London

Streetwise

One way to navigate London roads—those zigzagging, mostly narrow paths often without their names posted at intersections; the one ways, the dead ends, the traffic circles—is to follow a 5-year-old grandson on his bike from his school to the local playground and then to his home. That works quite well. But that covers only about 6 miles, and London has 70,000 streets—just a few of them straight—that traverse roughly 9,200 miles.

There is a website, nextvacay.com, that judges London to be the second most difficult city of negotiable roadways in the world—only No. 2? With Toronto first?—and there is no argument here.

This is not to disparage the United Kingdom’s capital. London is a swell place, diverse and alive. Aside from the abundance of must-see attractions, there are parks and playgrounds in abundance; everywhere are runners, bicyclists, children, dogs. Outdoor marketplaces and pubs bustle.

There is the possibility of a night at the theatre—equal to New York City’s Broadway fare—a day at one of many museums or an uplifting classical music concert at St. Martin-in-the-Fields. A lunch of fish-and-chips. Such touristy activities as walking the zebra crossing on Abbey Road. Going to the Tower of London. Checking out Big Ben. In early summer, there are afternoons at the pub watching Wimbledon tennis on outdoor big-screen televisions in a garden setting.

But, the truth is, you wouldn’t want to drive in London. (I did—many, many years ago—but I learned my lesson.) To get around, those familiar red double-decker buses are handy and efficient—if you know the number of the bus to board for your destination. The Tube or Underground—in existence since 1863, with 11 lines that cover 250 miles in 32 boroughs—is really nifty, though sometimes one of the 272 stations is a healthy walk away.

Walking, in fact, is a great option. But, even on foot, it’s easy to lose one’s sense of direction. Unlike, say, New York’s central borough of Manhattan, London is not laid out on an easily navigable grid. London’s streets are wormy; they don’t go North/South and East/West. And they’re quite narrow because they existed long before automobiles did. A bus ride in London—especially viewed from the upper deck—is an eye-roller of an adventure, providing an impressive, and sometimes unnerving, insight into the need for precise skills required with motorized traffic in confined spaces.

I have now been to London 27 times. On vacations, on assignments as a Newsday reporter, back when our daughter chose London for her NYU semester abroad, and mostly in recent years since she settled there with her Scottish-born husband and their young son. And I’m still not especially confident that, on my own, I could find my way from Paddington Station to Regent’s Park. Or between any other pair of sites.

I certainly don’t have, and only recently have read about, The Knowledge, derived only in a severely demanding three-year-long process put to prospective London taxi drivers, whereby they successfully commit to memory every street, address and landmark in the city. Test-takers have been asked to name the whereabouts of flower stands, laundromats, commemorative plaques.

The London street map has been described as “a mess….a preposterously complex tangle of veins and capillaries, the cardiovascular system of a monster….’’ Peter Ackroyd, author of the 800-page “London; the Biography,” has written that Londoners themselves are “a population lost in [their] own city.”

According to a New York Times report, the trial a London cabbie endures to gain The Knowledge “has been called the hardest test, of any kind, in the world. Its rigors have been likened to those required to earn a degree in law or medicine.” One fellow claimed to have logged more than 50,000 miles on a motorbike and on foot to win his cabbie’s badge.

There was a cognitive neuroscientist who studied the human hippocampus, an engine of memory deep in the brain, and found that the hippocampus in London cabbies would grow and be strengthened like a muscle. After that study was publicized, a London cabbie named David Cohen told the BBC, “I never noticed part of my brain growing. It makes you wonder what happened to the rest of it.”

This may be small-minded: I’ll just follow that young lad on his bike and enjoy the show.

Tests: negative. Adventure: positive.

LONDON—I’m here to tell you that it’s possible to fly across the Atlantic wearing a mask, deal with 10 days of quarantining, undergo four COVID tests in a period of three weeks, slump through an untimely head cold, stress over a lost key and dysfunctional entryway to a rented flat—and still have a great time.

It rained a lot. Randomly timed calls from the British authorities, meant to assure we were not spreading the virus, were disconcerting. (Big Brother!). Britain’s prime minister, appearing as disorganized as his hair, announced national “Freedom Day” from virus restrictions simultaneously with news that he was forced to self-isolate. At times, the three weeks were a bit like being in a surreal Monty Python skit—but not as funny.

So what?

You haven’t lived until you’ve been to a wedding in which the groom and bride—he pedaling a three-wheel cargo bike while she rides in the delivery unit, the velocipede complete with “just married” signs and tin cans trailing noisily behind—exit the ceremony through local streets escorted by a bagpiper while local residents applaud through open windows and surprised, grinning passers-by offer congratulations.

That was our daughter in the cargo bin, the star of the show.

Long delayed by the maddening pestilence, the formalization of their vows—the ceremony, bagpiping march back to the garden in their flat, the meal, balloons, cake-cutting, champagne-toasting (all planned and executed by the newlyweds)—included their baby boy and a small gathering of the couple’s friends. And us, arriving from The Colonies.

Evolving coronavirus protocols already had eliminated the pub site for their reception and kept festivities almost exclusively outdoors. There had been persistent predictions of heavy rain for the day and a last-minute email that rescinded earlier approval on the wedding site. That and other pop-up issues were resolved favorably, and in the end, the light morning drizzle couldn’t dampen anything. And we stayed another week to hang out with the grandboy. A cute little bugger.

Our stay reinforced my feeling that London is a swell place, diverse and alive, even in the midst of the modern plague. Parks and playgrounds are in abundance and everywhere are runners, bicyclists, children, dogs. Outdoor marketplaces and pubs bustle in spite of the distancing edicts.

In previous times, a night or two at the theatre, day at the museum or concert at St. Martin-in-the-Fields was on the schedule. And maybe a lunch of fish-and-chips or an activity as touristy as walking the zebra crossing on Abbey Road. Not now. But our stay, specifically the isolation stage, coincided with televised coverage of two favorite sporting events—Wimbledon tennis and the European soccer championships, both of which involved top-of-the-news English accomplishments and the attendant local fuss.

If you had been there for the whole thing, you would never forget it.

We’ll be back, of course.